If you use Twitter, you need to start following Justin. His user is "shitmydadsays". His 29 and lives with his 74 year old dad. He just posts all the funny shit his dad says.
"I found some shit in your room...No, I found actual shit. Feces...Well I should hope it's from your shoes, otherwise what the fuck?"
"Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Jesus, don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of shitting on you."
"Waking up when you got a baby, you feel like you drank a bottle of whiskey the night before, except the shit's in someone else's pants."
"I’m not sure you can call that roughing it, son… Well, for one, there was a fucking minivan parked forty feet from your sleeping bags.”
"Don't start a story with This is SO funny. Be like saying My dick's huge before you screw. Even if you're right you sound like an asshole."
"Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a fucking Honda Accord."
"I lost 20 pounds...How? I drank bear piss and took up fencing. How the fuck you think, son? I exercised."
"Mom is smarter than you...No? Well, ask yourself this; has mom ever unknowingly had toilet paper hanging out of her ass?...Mom 1. You 0"
"I just want silence. Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more."
"Everybody's broke, so here's the rule for Christmas this year; if you still shit your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough shit."
LOL - Get on it.
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